Absconding with a Tapestry

My match is to my shoe
I'm lit
Like a half rack of ribs
roasting on a spit

I'm stung I sting there is salt in my eyes
I'm listening closely to the wind whistling by
Hold me close and say a sweet prayer
that I'll stay right here and that I'll go nowhere

I crave your attention
and that desire attenuates
my desire to abscond
and vacate this forsaken state.

What I do is for the both of us
the you in us the me in us
While Im so far away
I'll just try to keep it rightous
And while I sit here down about the way the world works
I'll retain and remember that no matter how it hurts
That I do this for the both of us.

As the World Burns Down

Are we watching the death throws of Boomer ethos?

The Economic Meltdown, The Collapse of Reaganism, The distrust of the Conservative archetype is a drastic change from just a few years ago.

Today, with True Conservatism waxing (The democrats haven't been real liberals in years), the fall of Libertarianism, the rejection of exclusion.

This world is changing.

I'm excited to wait and see what happens.



Currently Listening to Talib Kweli - Quality

Auto-Annihilation

I find myself full of regret and frustration and utter entropy. I've never been in such a dark place and the redundancy and utter emasculation of my current sitch are cutting pretty deep.

The only thing keeping me going right now is absolute self love and this amazing dream I have for the future. A golden and beautiful future with gunmetal rails and floating caravans above them.

I'm into self destruction right now. Not physical I want to hurt self destruction, but the kill my mind type of black funk that hits me sometimes. The idea of it is very sexy at the moment. The only thing keeping me back is that gilded reality I want to superimpose on my future.

I love myself too much and that is the one good thing I really have left. My zealotry notwithstanding. I am a jaded mutherfucker. Hope is a lot less interesting than pragmatism.

Being such a materialist is disheartening. Though this is where I am and this is where I will stay. I love my things, my things are me and this is just plain where I fuckin am right now. The scary thing is I'm totally disconnected from all that I am here. I don't have any of my things. My dining room table is gone, my plates and Knives and Silverwear, my awesome couches and my 1300 dollar bed, my 1200 thread count pima cotton sheets, my luxuries remain in the place I have left behind.

I may change and grow, I wouldn't discount that possibility. In fact as base and ludicrous as this heinous speech is I know for a fact I'm going to continue growing. The pattern and outcome so far guarantees this.

In summary though, I hate the south. At least Goose Creek South Carolina. I really wanted to like it here, I really really did. But South Carolina is the armpit of the country. Hands down. I thought Alabama was bad, but this place? Lord have mercy.

Money sucks right now. I never realized why people hated money, now I know why: they don't have any. Taking an 80% pay cut is horrendous idea. Don't do it.

So the conclusion is that I'm going to just do my job and get out of here. I'm going to be the best sailor I can be, and then I'm going to get lost. I hate this job, much much more than I thought I would going in. I have a sense of honor so even so, I will finish the job, then I'm going to burn my bridges and skedadle.

Ommission-Readmission En Carmine

So, it's been a while. Truth is I just didn't really like where things were going , so I stopped those intricate circuits and overall oddities that exist between the spaces of those blood red unconscious moments. I just did.

All in all things are back on the bodacious path. The wicked skin living path, that squirms with every footfall. The skin soft awakened path. The forward biased monster that keeps us off the statical grass.

I again have faked down all lines, and cast myself adrift. I know where this current carries me.

I know if I am not holding deep I will end up circling around and around.

But I will hold to. I will restrain; my subconscious allows not solid ties. This is just another stop on a long road. The bodacious path of excess and amalgamation and integration. The bodacious path I abode upon, worth it for the destination. Walked not because its the high road but the path of least resistance.


Recommended Listening: Lucero - California

The Shock of the Sun

I'm waving in the wind today. I'm lost a bit and the world isn't really translating the way it's supposed to when I look at it.

I'm standing in this small room where I work and wishing that I could just run and run and run. I'm not adverse to hard work. Things just really seem pointless right now. I can't wait to leave. Less than six months and I'm gone for good.

The sun left us a reminder this afternoon. I stood up and walked outside. I haven't seen the sun in days and days. Endless clouds.